Prepping for 2012 - Best Films to Prominently Feature Bicycles

Before I get into this article, I’d like to apologize for my last 2012 post. Normally I would just take it down, but since it’s part of a series, I’ll leave it up. It was brought to my attention that the quality of writing was not up to my standards for this website and I hope you’ll forgive me and find this list to be more informative and inclusive of people who have not yet seen these movies.

This was the second most painful scene to
watch in a film that included  testicle whipping

I don’t know about everyone else, but one of my favorite things to see in films is a cool vehicle. I mean when I saw the classic Aston Martin DB5 in Skyfall this last weekend I had to change my pants afterward. And I still haven’t forgiven Bond for choosing Vesper over his DPS in what is one of the most painful scenes to watch in all of cinema, made all the more painful by the knowledge that in order to get the shot they needed, the filmmakers crashed three models of the car. That being said I think it’s pretty clear that at least I, and I think the human race in general, have a fixation on the ways we transport ourselves, particularly in films. So I decided to write an article about bicycles.

The Four Best Films to Prominently Feature Bicycles

4. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

OK so it’s only one scene. But man is it an awesome scene. Paul Newman goes for a ride in the countryside to the song “Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head,” does some cool tricks to impress his lady, makes faces at a bull, and flees the scene all on a bicycle. Paul Newman reminds us how manly bicycles can be by riding straight up to Robert Redford and letting him know he’s stealing his girl. The scene’s been taken off of youtube, so I can’t embed it here, but as of this writing it was available on dailymotion here.

3. Kiki’s Delivery Service

I'm sticking with bitchin as my adjective for this thing

So this one doesn’t really feature too much bicycle, with the exception of Jiji’s bicycle/bitchin flying machine, but since this article was originally about bicycle messengers and brooms are kind of like bikes for witches, I figured I’d include it anyway. Besides, I’m writing this article and this is my website. So there. Anyway, my love for Miyazaki films isn’t exactly secret and I particularly enjoyed this one because it’s just so cool. Not the witch thing, though that’s neat too. No the idea of just packing up, moving to a completely new place without any idea of what you’ll do there, getting taken in by a kind woman who needs help around the shop, and starting your own business (in Kiki’s case a delivery service) is such a cool idea to me that I started researching homesteads while I watched this film as “research” for this article. This is a gorgeous film and it so completely romanticizes the idea of the messenger service to me that I also looked for bike messenger positions in Orange County (there aren’t any).

2. Premium Rush

So sexy ... I mean boobs...yeah boobs

This JGL film is a crazy ride (pun totally intended) through New York. Making use of some crazy cool film techniques one normally wouldn’t associate with the chase movie genre (i.e. nonlinear storytelling, Next style multipath scenes, and a story dealing with something more complex than teen angst [although this film certainly has its share of that]), Premium Rush gives its viewers an impressive amount of suspenseful, action-packed bicycle chase scenes. On top of that there is some legitimate emotion and intriguing comic relief. To be fair, PR is not a perfect film, it suffers from some pacing issues, unbelievable scripting, and wooden acting. But the action, directing, and the parts of those three things that don’t have issues make up for the issues. And never has a film made bicycling so sexy. I mean I’m a totally straight guy and I found myself a little turned on by Joseph Gordon Levitt.

1. The Bicycle Thieves

To be fair to Kiki, I almost put her in this top spot since I love that movie so much, but I think The Bicycle Thieves edges her out just barely for the best bicycle-related film (Editor’s note: I didn’t see Premium Rush till after I wrote these descriptions, and it wound up beating out Kiki for the number two spot but couldn’t unseat this masterpiece.). This 1948 film about a father and his son’s developing relationship as they search for the father’s lost bike is just fantastic. It’s full of emotion and development and really says a lot about mid twentieth century Italy – both economically and socially. It’s difficult to describe this film without sounding even more pretentious than I’m sure you already think I am (and I am a film major so it’s not exactly an unsolicited opinion). So instead I’ll just trust that if you value my random internet lists at all (which, let’s face it, who doesn’t?), you’ll just go watch the film. It is with only a little doubt, the best film to prominently feature bicycles ever.

As always if you agree or disagree please comment below. If you have an idea for my next list please share, cause I'm running out of ideas and I'm only two lists in.

Prepping for 2012: The Greatest Film Trilogies of Human History

So the end of the world is coming. Yep. The Mayans predicted it and a John Cusack movie confirmed it. See I saw this picture on the internet…. That I can’t find. So in the meant time enjoy this politically irrelevant picture in its stead. à

Anyway, the picture pointed out that in the film 2012 New York floods in October. And well. You know what happened.

So I’ve decided to restart the 2012 bandwagon and start a new series of posts that honor the time we as a human culture have been on this Earth with a highly biased series of lists of the best things ever. Today will be “5 Best Film Trilogies.” Which isn’t a particularly revolutionary list, but I want to write it anyway. So hah. If you don’t like it leave, I’ve already got your view.

For those of you remaining after my rude assertion of power, here’s the list.

5. Back to the Future

Robert Zemeckis’ trilogy of amazing time travel movies has become a pop culture staple. There’s a reason we love Michael J. Fox. 

And this isn't it.

See these movies are amazing for a couple of reasons. 1) Time travel. Time travel stuff is awesome, especially when it gets disturbing and involves weirdly nigh-incestuous encounters with your mother fifty years before. 2) Rock and Roll. Do we associate Michael J. Fox with playing the guitar? No. (Mostly because Parkinson’s doesn’t really allow for that sort of controlled activity.) Yet somehow this scene is not only in these movies, but is pretty freaking awesome. It’s been lampooned a thousand and four times. Seeing this song played thirty years too early makes for some great cinema. 3) Cliffhangers. Each movie ends with something that makes us pick up the next one. Every time we think, “Oh good, Marty is finally safe and back in his own time.” Something happens that throws all that off a crazy time cliff and we’re dragged back in for the next film. It’s almost impossible to sit through just one of these films. And of course 4) Hoverboards. This doesn’t even need an explanation. Just awesome.

4. Indiana Jones

This is a trilogy. Shia LeBouf does not exist. That being said, this series is amazing all over the place. He has sex with a bunch of different girls. He saves the world in every film. It even has Sean Connery in it! Harrison Ford is like James Bond but instead of killing Russians he kills Nazis. So actually he’s better than James Bond.

Shuck it Broshnan

These films embody the American action film. If you want to make an action film, just make another Indiana Jones film and call it something else.

That's what this guy did, or did I get that backwards...

But here’s why Indy is so good. We have a cocky action hero (see Harrison Ford), a grand adventure (see everything George Lucas writes), some clever dialogue and funny scenes (“very dangerous…you go first), well-developed characters, cool paranormal scenes, and you know what? I’m just gonna stop. Basically it’s a crazy action ride that makes other action heroes look like pussies.

3. The Dark Knight Trilogy

Who likes Batman – show of hands? Yeah that should be all of you. But why do you like Batman? You like the cartoons because they were awesome and because of this man:

And you like the live action films because of this man:

Here’s the low down: classic Batman is silly. He dodges exploding sharks and listens to his lame sidekick say stuff like “Holy homoerotic undertones Batman!” But modern Batman is gritty and dark. Christopher Nolan has changed Batman to cover dark themes and reflect a modern society in turmoil. And we love it. And what’s more (and really the only reason this trilogy is number three rather than number four) all three films form a cohesive story that thoroughly examines a number of parts of the human psyche (fear, chaos, death) while simultaneously showing us the character growth of an extremely complex Bruce Wayne. Now some people have argued that the third film wasn’t fantastic, that Nolan got too comfortable after The Dark Knight. That victory defeated him. But I disagree. I think that Nolan has improved with each film. That his passionate flame so to speak has grown with each new film. The fire rises. (I apologize for the last six sentences. I couldn’t write about this trilogy without quoting Bane. It would have felt dirty.) But anyway, it’s good. This part got a little out of my control. But yeah. Third best trilogy for lots of reasons.

Oh yeah...and this guy

2. Star Wars Episodes IV-VI

Star Wars is amazing. If you haven’t seen Star Wars yet you probably aren’t reading this blog. And if you are, cut it out and go watch them. That being said, there’s not a whole lot I need to say to convince you that these films are awesome. So I won’t.

1. The Lord of the Rings

Three films of about three hours each telling a story containing multiple complex characters and exploring a number of important humanistic themes, Peter Jackson’s The Lord of the Rings trilogy is the best film trilogy of all time (please note I haven’t seen all three The Godfather films and thus could not place it here in good conscience.) LotR launched the careers of several actors, making Viggo Mortenson and Elijah Wood household names (and probably making the wonderful show Wilfred a possibility). 

This photo isn't really necessary to share but...actually
yes it is.

The series is extremely well-written and directed. It deals with evil and temptation, despite a probably offensive depiction of midgets turning into “humans.” But the whole series is amazing. Return of the King is tied with Ben-Hur and Titanic for most Oscar wins. LotR did for the fantasy genre what Star Wars did for science fiction. Suddenly, it became a viable genre for well-made entertainment (like Game of Thrones). Oh yeah, and of course this guy:

So yep. Those are the best film trilogies. I'm going to be doing this series till the world ends on December 21. If you have a recommendation for a list of "best _____ of all time" please comment below and let me know. Or if you want to comment about anything else please comment below. Yup.