Prepping for 2012: The Greatest Film Trilogies of Human History

So the end of the world is coming. Yep. The Mayans predicted it and a John Cusack movie confirmed it. See I saw this picture on the internet…. That I can’t find. So in the meant time enjoy this politically irrelevant picture in its stead. à

Anyway, the picture pointed out that in the film 2012 New York floods in October. And well. You know what happened.

So I’ve decided to restart the 2012 bandwagon and start a new series of posts that honor the time we as a human culture have been on this Earth with a highly biased series of lists of the best things ever. Today will be “5 Best Film Trilogies.” Which isn’t a particularly revolutionary list, but I want to write it anyway. So hah. If you don’t like it leave, I’ve already got your view.

For those of you remaining after my rude assertion of power, here’s the list.

5. Back to the Future

Robert Zemeckis’ trilogy of amazing time travel movies has become a pop culture staple. There’s a reason we love Michael J. Fox. 

And this isn't it.

See these movies are amazing for a couple of reasons. 1) Time travel. Time travel stuff is awesome, especially when it gets disturbing and involves weirdly nigh-incestuous encounters with your mother fifty years before. 2) Rock and Roll. Do we associate Michael J. Fox with playing the guitar? No. (Mostly because Parkinson’s doesn’t really allow for that sort of controlled activity.) Yet somehow this scene is not only in these movies, but is pretty freaking awesome. It’s been lampooned a thousand and four times. Seeing this song played thirty years too early makes for some great cinema. 3) Cliffhangers. Each movie ends with something that makes us pick up the next one. Every time we think, “Oh good, Marty is finally safe and back in his own time.” Something happens that throws all that off a crazy time cliff and we’re dragged back in for the next film. It’s almost impossible to sit through just one of these films. And of course 4) Hoverboards. This doesn’t even need an explanation. Just awesome.

4. Indiana Jones

This is a trilogy. Shia LeBouf does not exist. That being said, this series is amazing all over the place. He has sex with a bunch of different girls. He saves the world in every film. It even has Sean Connery in it! Harrison Ford is like James Bond but instead of killing Russians he kills Nazis. So actually he’s better than James Bond.

Shuck it Broshnan

These films embody the American action film. If you want to make an action film, just make another Indiana Jones film and call it something else.

That's what this guy did, or did I get that backwards...

But here’s why Indy is so good. We have a cocky action hero (see Harrison Ford), a grand adventure (see everything George Lucas writes), some clever dialogue and funny scenes (“very dangerous…you go first), well-developed characters, cool paranormal scenes, and you know what? I’m just gonna stop. Basically it’s a crazy action ride that makes other action heroes look like pussies.

3. The Dark Knight Trilogy

Who likes Batman – show of hands? Yeah that should be all of you. But why do you like Batman? You like the cartoons because they were awesome and because of this man:

And you like the live action films because of this man:

Here’s the low down: classic Batman is silly. He dodges exploding sharks and listens to his lame sidekick say stuff like “Holy homoerotic undertones Batman!” But modern Batman is gritty and dark. Christopher Nolan has changed Batman to cover dark themes and reflect a modern society in turmoil. And we love it. And what’s more (and really the only reason this trilogy is number three rather than number four) all three films form a cohesive story that thoroughly examines a number of parts of the human psyche (fear, chaos, death) while simultaneously showing us the character growth of an extremely complex Bruce Wayne. Now some people have argued that the third film wasn’t fantastic, that Nolan got too comfortable after The Dark Knight. That victory defeated him. But I disagree. I think that Nolan has improved with each film. That his passionate flame so to speak has grown with each new film. The fire rises. (I apologize for the last six sentences. I couldn’t write about this trilogy without quoting Bane. It would have felt dirty.) But anyway, it’s good. This part got a little out of my control. But yeah. Third best trilogy for lots of reasons.

Oh yeah...and this guy

2. Star Wars Episodes IV-VI

Star Wars is amazing. If you haven’t seen Star Wars yet you probably aren’t reading this blog. And if you are, cut it out and go watch them. That being said, there’s not a whole lot I need to say to convince you that these films are awesome. So I won’t.

1. The Lord of the Rings

Three films of about three hours each telling a story containing multiple complex characters and exploring a number of important humanistic themes, Peter Jackson’s The Lord of the Rings trilogy is the best film trilogy of all time (please note I haven’t seen all three The Godfather films and thus could not place it here in good conscience.) LotR launched the careers of several actors, making Viggo Mortenson and Elijah Wood household names (and probably making the wonderful show Wilfred a possibility). 

This photo isn't really necessary to share but...actually
yes it is.

The series is extremely well-written and directed. It deals with evil and temptation, despite a probably offensive depiction of midgets turning into “humans.” But the whole series is amazing. Return of the King is tied with Ben-Hur and Titanic for most Oscar wins. LotR did for the fantasy genre what Star Wars did for science fiction. Suddenly, it became a viable genre for well-made entertainment (like Game of Thrones). Oh yeah, and of course this guy:

So yep. Those are the best film trilogies. I'm going to be doing this series till the world ends on December 21. If you have a recommendation for a list of "best _____ of all time" please comment below and let me know. Or if you want to comment about anything else please comment below. Yup.